After my last post, I thought of a few more things it’s helpful to consider when deciding whether to pursue a career that strongly interests us.  Like I said before, I’m not specifically coming out for or against seeking the work you love — that’s a decision each person must make for themselves based on their own wants and needs.  I’m pointing to questions it’s important to ask when making that choice.

Doing work we’re deeply engaged in usually goes hand in hand with being vulnerable — exposing parts of ourselves it feels risky to share.  If you’re a blogger, I’ll bet you’ve experienced this sense of vulnerability when writing on something you strongly cared about.  “Do I really want people to know I feel this way?” you may have found yourself asking.

Often, revealing these parts of ourselves feels risky because they’ve been criticized or ridiculed before, and they feel fragile.  If you were told “no one thinks you’re funny” when you were little, allowing your sense of humor to emerge in something you’re writing is likely to feel unsafe.  Someone might make a similar comment, and then you’d be forced to relive the pain of that old wound.

The Perks Of Disengaged Work

This points to a reason why many of us are doing jobs that don’t deeply engage us.  In most jobs, we don’t need to bring out tender parts of ourselves to do our tasks.  You don’t usually have to expose your sense of humor, your compassion, or some other vulnerable aspect of yourself to draft a PowerPoint, plug values into a spreadsheet, or review documents.

I know many people who prefer this approach to work.  After all, they risk getting hurt enough in their personal relationships — why bring that vulnerability into what they do for a living?  And it’s okay with them if working feels mechanical, because they find exciting things to do in their off hours.  As the saying goes, they work to live — they don’t live to work.

Can You Separate “Work” From “Life”?

Although it’s easier in some ways to “work to live,” that approach, like anything, has drawbacks.  For some of us, when we don’t bring all of ourselves to our work, we’re nagged by the worry that we aren’t giving our gifts to the world.

To take my earlier example, it’s true that, if you do work that doesn’t require you to express your sense of humor, you don’t take the risk that someone will criticize that part.  But by locking that part away, you also keep people from enjoying it — you deny people a gift.

Also, the idea of “working to live” — disengaging from your work, but showing up fully in other activities — sounds good in theory, but the reality is messier.  You can’t work for 8+ hours a day with a detached, emotionless attitude and expect that not to spill over into other parts of your life.

I know this from experience.  I took pride in the work I did as a lawyer, but I wouldn’t exactly say my most vulnerable parts shone through in it.  I spent my working days in a cool, rational headspace, which was ideal for what I did.  The trouble was, I found myself, out of habit, slipping into this mindset with friends and loved ones — relating to them like they were colleagues or adversaries.

If you do something you really care about, you’ll almost certainly have to let others see parts of you that you normally keep under wraps.  This involves a risk, but also a great reward, because offering all you have to give brings a feeling of aliveness that’s exhilarating.

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There are, of course, logistical issues involved in starting a new career—for example, finding clients, decreasing our expenses if we have a lower income, and so on.  But most people with the determination to make a transition have plans to deal with these concerns.  In my experience, our bigger post-transition worries often have to do with how others perceive us, and one of the most significant ones is this:  people don’t take me seriously now.

My recent conversation with a friend brought this home for me.  About a year ago, she left her job as an investment banker to make and sell quilts and other homemade crafts.  There’s no question that she loves what she does.  Her handiwork is definitely impressive, and her customers have treasured the pieces she’s sold.

However, she told me, a few worries still nag at her.  The first is that her customers, when they learn she’s only been making quilts professionally for a year, will think she isn’t qualified to do what she does.  The second is that her loved ones and friends have secretly lost respect for her because “just about anybody can do what I do”—that is, people look down on her because her present career lacks the academic credentials and prestige her old one had.

Thankfully, my friend has a loving and devoted husband who, when my friend starts worrying, reminds her of what she loves about her career.  He helps her recall how pleased her customers are, and how much she’s contributing to their lives with her beautiful creations.  When she remembers how fully her art lets her give her gifts to the world, her worries about what others might think of her seem to fade away.

When I started writing and coaching, I had a similar experience.  I used to practice law full-time, and early on in my new career I’d often catch myself wondering what my loved ones, friends and former colleagues thought of my change.  Did they see it as disgraceful?  Did they see me as crazy?  And so on.

One method I used to dispel this sort of thinking was to keep a file containing all the kind words people have said to me about the work I’m doing.  When I stay conscious of how I’m benefiting people with what I do, others’ possible negative judgments don’t feel so significant.

These stories show how much a simple shift in where we direct our attention can improve our experience of our careers and lives.  When we make a career change, or really any significant decision in our lives, our focus tends to automatically shift toward all the negative things people are supposedly thinking and saying about our choice.  If we turn our attention instead to the contributions we’re making with what we do, our enthusiasm and drive return.

If you’ve made a career transition, and you find yourself fretting over how others view your change, I’d recommend this exercise.  While you’re working, keep something close to you that reminds you of how much you’ve given to others in what you’re doing.  This might be, for instance, a gift or note from someone who appreciated working with you, a sample of some of your best work, or something else that serves to remind you of what a gift you’ve been to those you’ve served.

When the possibility of others’ criticism starts creeping into your awareness, bring your attention to the things you collected that show the contribution you’ve made to people’s lives.  I suspect you’ll find yourself reconnecting to your passion and joy in what you do, and your fears dissipating. 

In The Paradox Of Power And Weakness, psychologist George Kunz eloquently describes how service to others can be such a strong motivating force:

Serving others, even with our limited understanding, abilities, and satisfaction, refines and strengthens them. We especially gain a sense of personal worthiness. Frequently, people say that they get more out of serving others than they were able to give. This “more” is a sense of self-worth and self-esteem. . . . The self-esteem gained by serving others makes us more powerful.

At a deeper level, it’s also useful to ask yourself what you’re really afraid of.  What’s the worst that could happen if someone wasn’t happy with your choice?  What would they do—ridicule you, shun you, or hurt you in some other way?  Would someone else’s negative opinion of what you do really be such a threat?

When you start seriously looking at the possible consequences of people’s disapproval, your anxieties will likely begin to feel less realistic, or at least more manageable.  And the risk that other people might form negative opinions of you loses its sting when you remember the amazing things you’re doing on your present path.  If you keep in mind the reasons you take what you’re doing seriously, whether others do as well no longer seems as important.

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