Many of us constantly suffer from a sense that we’re “not doing enough.”  Perhaps we aren’t cranking out enough work; we aren’t exercising enough of our creativity; we aren’t socializing enough; or something else.  This nagging, restless feeling makes it hard to relax or enjoy anything we’re doing.  We don’t “deserve” to relax or enjoy ourselves, it seems, until we do or have “enough.”

Interestingly, we don’t just experience this sensation when we’re sitting on the couch not accomplishing anything.  Even in periods of our lives when we’re extremely busy, we often worry that—although we’re doing many things—we’re not doing the right kinds of activity.  For instance, if we’re spending a lot of time in the office, we might fret over not being with our loved ones.  If we’re spending a lot of time taking care of our children, we might get concerned that our careers and social lives are “falling apart.”  And so on.

What’s more, regardless of what we accomplish, the friendships and intimate relationships we create, and so on, it never seems possible to “do enough.”  The feeling that we should be making more money, having more satisfying relationships, visiting more exotic locations, and so forth seems to keep haunting us no matter what experiences, relationships and things we accumulate.

Seeing Our Craving For What It Is

How do we liberate ourselves from this feeling that we aren’t good enough, and we don’t deserve to enjoy our lives, until we “do more”?  To me, the first and most critical step is to understand the need to “do more” for what it really is.  When we grasp its true nature, it loses its power to frustrate and oppress us.

We can see the need to “do more” for what it is by noticing that, when it comes up, we experience it at first as a purely physical sensation.  It starts out as a discomfort somewhere in our bodies.  For me, for instance, it’s a tension in my upper back around my shoulder blades.  For you, it may be something different.  The sensation arises before we have any particular thoughts about what we need to do—before we start thinking we need a better career, more friends, a more expensive car, and so on.

If we pay close attention, we observe that, shortly after this bodily sensation comes up, our minds “translate” the feeling into something that makes sense in the context of our lives.  This is when we assume the feeling results from some problem or deficiency in how we’re living.  We essentially say “oh, I’m feeling anxious or incomplete—it must be because I’m not making enough money, my relationship isn’t satisfying enough, or something else.”

It’s much like the experience we sometimes have when we’re dreaming, our alarm clock goes off, and our minds incorporate the alarm into our dream so it “makes sense” in the dream world.  If we’re having the all-too-common nightmare about going back to high school, for instance, the alarm might occur to us as the bell signaling the end of class.

If you have trouble noticing this, try the following:  when you find yourself fretting over not having something, or something not going well in your life, pay careful attention to the uncomfortable sensations in your body while you’re having those thoughts.  When the sensations subside, keep a watchful eye out for when they come up again.  When you feel the discomfort arising again, notice that you start experiencing it—if only for a split second—before any negative or fearful thoughts enter your mind.  The pain comes first, and the thinking comes second.

Observing that the need to do more begins as a physical sensation is important because it helps us see that this need doesn’t stem from an actual problem or lack in our lives.  Actually, it’s an anxiety that arises for no obvious reason.

Some say our constant sense of insufficiency has a biological purpose—it’s there to make us stay alert and keep working to ensure our survival.  As John Cianciosi writes in The Meditative Path: A Gentle Way To Awareness, Concentration, And Serenity, “[c]raving is the thirst for experience, particularly pleasurable sensory experience.  It is closely related to the most basic instinctual tendencies of all living creatures, the desires for self-preservation and self-gratification.”  But we don’t need to fully understand why our “craving” is there to begin transcending it.

Don’t Feed Your Need

Just understanding that our need to do more doesn’t result from a specific problem in our lives does much to lessen the pain and discomfort that need creates.  Once you see that the fear has nothing to do with the circumstances of your life, but is just a feeling that comes up in your body from time to time, the next step is to stop feeding the fear with your thoughts and actions.

Thinking up reasons why you’re inadequate, or aren’t doing enough, only prolongs and strengthens your fearful sensations.  And seeking more experiences, things and relationships in the world to heal that sense of inadequacy, as I’m sure you’ve found, is at best only a temporary solution.  As Dr. David Frawley writes in Vedantic Meditation: Lighting The Flame Of Awareness, “[t]he real search for enlightenment . . . has nothing to do with the mind’s desire for information and experience.  These feed the mind and perpetuate our attachment to the material world and the personal self.”

When you notice your mind trying to explain your discomfort, telling you that you must do or have something to get rid of the sensation, give your full attention to the physical feeling.  If your attention is completely on the discomfort, your mind will have no space to come up with explanations for why you’re having it.  Gradually, I think you’ll find, the uncomfortable sensations pass away, leaving you in a calm, composed state.  The more you simply experience the sensation of “not doing enough” without rationalizing or explaining it, the less it disturbs you.

Ironically, when we begin transcending our constant need for activity, we start becoming more productive.  When we do something out of a sense of restlessness or inadequacy, there’s a painful, desperate quality to it that makes working difficult.  Approaching work without a burning need to acquire, do or be “more” gives us the focus we need to fully give our gifts to the world.

Related posts:

1. How “Mood Swings” Can Lead Us To Inner Peace
2. Would You “Betray” Others By Making A Change?
3. Finding Optimism By Being In Awe
4. Beyond “Self-Image” (Part Two)
5. Letting Go Of Seeking The Peak