Why I’m Back In Love With My Head
Sunday, February 28th, 2010
For a few years, I believed that what we often call “the rational mind” was my enemy. I have a powerful rational mind, and most people would see this as a plus, but to me that was part of the problem. I thought all the analysis, judgment and criticism my mind did was holding me back in life.
For instance, when I was having a conversation and just trying to listen to the other person, the rational mind would kick in, coming up with counterarguments, different perspectives, advice and so on. Unconsciously, the other person would sense this, and it would be disconcerting to them. I often felt helpless in the face of the mind’s constant whirring.
How I Lost My Mind
This was partly, I think, because I had an intense, time-consuming job — being a lawyer — where the rational mind dominated everything. As a young attorney at a big law firm, I led a cloistered life, spending most of my time in my office drafting legal papers, memoranda and letters. This was okay with me in the workplace, but it wasn’t easy to silence the mind’s noise in my off hours.
In a sense, leaving that job and starting to coach and write was my rebellion against what I saw as the tyranny of the rational mind. I knew there were parts of me I hadn’t spent much time cultivating, and I thought leaving my old environment was the only way I could really do that in earnest.
I also immersed myself in ideas and techniques to help me discover “who I was beyond the mind,” as some spiritual teachers put it. I spent countless hours meditating, releasing emotions, taking workshops, and so on. Conversation, for me, became about noticing what I felt in my body and trying to give that a voice — “I’m feeling my shoulders relax as I talk to you.” I wrote a slew of articles, and ultimately a whole book, about listening to instinct and intuition.
I made some progress toward this goal of self-discovery — I experienced moments when my mind was blissfully empty, and all I felt was raw sensation — my pulse, breathing, tingling in my hands, and so forth. I saw that the rational mind was “just another part of me,” to paraphrase Michael Jackson, and that I was an okay person even when it wasn’t operating.
How I Found It Again
Perhaps the most important thing I noticed, in these “mindless” states, was that the mind no longer seemed so oppressive. When I began to feel more in control of it, I started to see that it was simply a tool I could use — not an enemy bent on destroying me or making me unhappy.
After seeing this, I started regaining my interest in using the rational mind, and discovering what I could give the world with it. I got back into reading about philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines I scorned for a while as abstract and “heady.” I started a new blog addressing some of the criticisms of personal growth, which has a more “pointy-headed intellectual” style, I think, than what you’ll read here.
I’ve noticed, as I’ve been reconciling with my mind, that I’m having a blast. I’ve been cranking out articles nonstop for the new site, which ideally will turn into another full-length book. The heightened awareness of my body I developed has actually helped me appreciate this — I’ve noticed how light and free my body feels as I’ve done this writing.
The moral of the story, I think, is that I needed time away from the rational mind to rediscover its value. Another takeaway is that we don’t serve ourselves by pushing away parts of who we are, and one of the most rewarding things we can do is make peace with the parts we find it hardest to deal with.
How about you? What part of you have you been pushing away? What could you do to integrate it back into your life?
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 | If you found this post useful, you'll likely find Chris's book, Inner Productivity, helpful as well. Inner Productivity is packed with techniques to help you find focus and motivation in your work from a mindful perspective. |
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March 1st, 2010 at 11:49 am
Chris,
Thanks for taking us through this part of your journey. As you discovered it is important to embrace all that we are for each part of us makes up the whole and it is the whole that we are.
March 1st, 2010 at 1:38 pm
I’ve been pushing away my ability to relax with my work. I always thought that a more stressful me would get more done. I did a 30 day trial of relaxing with my work and it worked. I am much happier and productive. I still have a way to go, but each day I get a little smarter about working hard while at the same time relaxing with the work.
March 1st, 2010 at 1:45 pm
Hi Mark — “the whole that we are” — I think that’s a great way of putting it. I get the sense that, ideally, personal growth is about integrating parts of ourselves we’ve shied away from acknowledging.
March 1st, 2010 at 1:47 pm
Hi Karl — isn’t that interesting, that many of us tend to assume that we need to tense up inside to get our work done. It sounds like you recognized that this tensing up is actually what produces a lot of the frustration we feel with our work. Glad to hear about the results.
March 3rd, 2010 at 2:47 pm
Chris! I left my rational mind upon a hill in San Francisco many many moons ago. And have not missed it yet.
Pointy-headed other blog or not,
you still rock!! And inspire!! Anyone who is open to what you offer here is in for nothing but better things in all areas of life.
And again, I commend you for turning your life around by leaving lawyering. And doing this thing you do here. And in “Inner Productivity.” You are obviously riding a creative flow that suits you and helps others!
xo
March 3rd, 2010 at 7:28 pm
Indeed, it is not about denying or pushing away our conscious or logical mind. We need both parts of our brain for optimal functioning and successful living. I believe that the sweet spot is the meeting of the left and right brain; the conscious, subconscious and superconscious. I can understand why you needed to move away from the logical or rational mind for a while. I did the same too!
March 4th, 2010 at 9:14 am
Hi Jannie — thanks for the encouragement. I’m glad my pointy-headedness doesn’t render me too uncool to rock! I definitely feel that way right now about riding the creative flow — I get the sense that you’re doing the same.
March 4th, 2010 at 9:52 am
Hi Evelyn — yes, I get the sense that finding that balance between hemispheres, or the rational/emotional, works differently for each person. I’m glad to hear you got a break from your rational mind too — I suspect a lot of us could use one.
March 4th, 2010 at 10:55 am
I, too, believe in the mind > body connection. When my head is not right, I feel less energetic and less inspired to problem solve, write or even think.
It is time for me to get back to what I do best, and that’s to appreciate the present moment and soak-up all it offers.
March 4th, 2010 at 2:21 pm
Chris,
My ability to observe things that others don’t see right away. After meditating, yoga and other practices I realize I wouldn’t want another mind. And I’m quite happy with the one I have. Great post.
I went through this exact process and have recently come back to appreciating my mind! I was told I “analyze” too much. I spent 10 years in market research, yes, I like to analyze! But for a few years I thought it was “wrong”. I realize now it’s part of my, ahem, brilliance
March 4th, 2010 at 8:44 pm
Hi Alex — that’s a great way to put it — we often separate ourselves into disembodied minds and physical bodies, but in fact we’re just one complete whole, and every part of us needs attention.
March 4th, 2010 at 8:46 pm
Hi Stacey — I’m glad to hear you’ve reconciled with your mind too — it sounds like you went through a phase like me when you saw it as just a source of suffering, and then recognized how essential all of your parts are.
March 6th, 2010 at 10:02 am
Wow, Chris. I love this line… “One of the most rewarding things we can do is make peace with the parts we find it hardest to deal with.” So often I read suggestions to resist or let go of that which we find hardest to deal with. With this approach that IS the end result, with the heavy perception of the *battle*.
March 6th, 2010 at 11:08 am
Hi Davina — yes, I’ve noticed the same thing in a lot of personal development literature — the idea that we need to “fight” or “kill” our fear, sadness and so on. But resisting those parts of ourselves, I think, only causes them to come out in dysfunctional ways.
March 10th, 2010 at 1:37 am
guess lots of people have lost their minds too but they didn’t find them yet, thanks for the guidance
i totally agree with you chirs
March 10th, 2010 at 11:18 am
Hi Farouk — thanks for the appreciation — I hope the people you’re talking about find their minds again.