Letting Go Of Seeking The Peak
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
I think most of us, at some point in our lives, have had moments when we felt almost infinitely powerful, peaceful, directed, or some other uplifting feeling. We got what we wanted effortlessly, our work seemed to do itself, and our self-doubt melted away.
These moments are wonderful, and they can also be a source of suffering. When we have a so-called “peak experience,” we often fall into the trap of yearning to have it again. We may feel this craving consciously — constantly reminiscing about that great relationship, athletic victory, or something else. Or, the craving may operate in the background, showing up as a nagging sense that something isn’t quite right.
Our usual reaction to this sense of “not-rightness” is to try some strategy for “making things right again.” Maybe we’ll work out really hard, try a new job, or scour the blogosphere for lists of 500 happiness hacks. Unfortunately, nothing seems to get us exactly where we’d rather be.
In this post, I’ll offer a few observations to help us let go of this need to chase after peak experiences, and to develop more appreciation for where we’re at right now.
1. Peaks Can’t Exist Without Valleys. The reason a peak experience is so exciting and wonderful is that it’s different from our everyday experience. The warmth and openness in our hearts, the lightness in our limbs, and so on during one of these high moments seem so great because we don’t usually feel them. If we had those sensations all the time, they’d lose their novelty and fade into the background.
This points to a reason to appreciate the “flat” and “valley” portions of our journey through life. Those “valley” moments — the setbacks and conflicts in our work, families, and so on — actually make the peak experiences possible. The same goes for the “flat” periods — the time we spend training for a marathon, for instance, makes the exhilaration of finishing possible.
2. No Two Experiences Are Alike. I don’t have the same mind and body I had when I was in that great relationship, played that great concert, or had that great session with a client in the past. Cells in my body are constantly dying and being born, and new neural pathways are constantly emerging in my brain with each experience I have.
Even if we could precisely repeat something we did earlier — re-run that race, have the same deeply fulfilling conversation, or something else — we’re not the same person we were then, and our reactions to the situation wouldn’t be exactly the same. Ultimately, our quest to “get back there” is futile.
3. There’s No Excitement Without Uncertainty. One reason we cling to these defining moments from the past, I think, is that we’re afraid of uncertainty — the anxiety of not knowing what will happen next. We think we’ll feel safer if we know exactly what we’ll experience in the future — and, of course, that we’re going to like it.
But what would really happen if we could guarantee or predict our peak experiences? Suppose you were about to run a race, and you knew with total certainty that you’d win. Would the race be as thrilling? I think not. Without the risk that things might not go our way, or that something unexpected might happen, we can’t feel challenged.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with having peak experiences. But I think we set ourselves up for suffering when we try to make every moment a peak experience, and that allowing each moment to unfold without resistance is a much easier way to find peace.
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 | If you found this post useful, you'll likely find Chris's book, Inner Productivity, helpful as well. Inner Productivity is packed with techniques to help you find focus and motivation in your work from a mindful perspective. |
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January 6th, 2010 at 1:33 pm
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January 6th, 2010 at 2:44 pm
Hi Chris.
Isn’t it amazing how we just accept any ‘what is so’, without honestly discerning what we are accepting. I love your calm and quiet reasoning, of course we cannot accept to have peak performances all the time, but we are supposed to at work or as CEOs forever going for growth, until when??? We pop and burst?
Your calm reassurance, authenticity and honest observation to shake up us ‘what is so’ is grand, grounded and pracital. I love that as I loved the photo of the dogs and the cat.
January 6th, 2010 at 6:25 pm
Hi Chris.
As wonderful as it would be to have all *peak* experiences, I think it would tire me out. Remember those days when you’re really up? All that excitement can be exhausting.
January 6th, 2010 at 10:44 pm
Hi Chris, I totally agree, we could be so much happier if we just allowed every moment to unfold, were fully present and stayed open. Loved this post, thank you!
January 7th, 2010 at 9:29 am
Hi Wilma — thanks, I like that way of putting it — that if we’re always pushing toward the next plateau, we can never fully appreciate where we are. I think having goals is wonderful, but if we spend all our time fantasizing about what “getting there” is going to be like, we lose the ability to enjoy our lives right now.
January 7th, 2010 at 9:30 am
Hi Davina — yes, it’s probably true that the human body couldn’t take being in that state we call a “peak experience” all the time, which is why it’s designed to go through natural cycles of waking and sleeping, excitement and fatigue, etc.
January 7th, 2010 at 9:32 am
Hi Lana — I’m glad you enjoyed the post, and I like that phrase “staying open” — when all our attention is on finding the next peak experience, we’re basically closed to this moment.
January 8th, 2010 at 4:20 am
Gosh I loved your take on this, Chris, and really relate to what you’ve written. Last winter I found myself longing for that power you talked about. The year prior, I was on fire and manifesting things in the blink of an eye. Last winter I hit a valley — a low, low valley — and it was tough to reconcile being there. “How did this happen and why can’t I crawl out?” Just like you said, I needed that valley to better appreciate the new peak I didn’t even realize I was climbing. Just like waves in an ocean, peaks and valleys come and go. The best I can ever hope to do is graciously accept them as they come.
January 10th, 2010 at 12:54 am
Well said Chris! Then everything you say is well said.
I just want to say I am very pleased to have met you, Chris – I am closing my blog. I hope that we can keep in touch somehow – and keep up the good work! I hope your book does well.
Cheers – love from Robin
January 10th, 2010 at 8:59 am
Hi Megan — thanks for that story — I think it shows how important it is to zoom out and look at the whole landscape, rather than singling out one particular flat portion or valley and making that a problem.
January 10th, 2010 at 9:00 am
Hi Robin — thanks for the appreciation, and I’m very pleased to have met you too. I’m looking forward to hearing more about what’s coming up next for you — it sounds like you’ve got a lot in the works.
January 13th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Thanks Chris. It’s a good reminder. Lately I’ve been letting the energy around me dictate how things go instead of deciding in my head how it should go. And guess what? Many, many more moments feel like peaks. I write this from my hotel balcony in Hawai’i
January 14th, 2010 at 9:08 am
Hi Michelle — that sounds liberating to me — to let go of the rules for how the situations you find yourself in should have you feel, and just allow how you feel to occur, whether it seems “logical” or not.