I find puffins irresistible.  When I see them (or pictures of them) my usual instinct is to hug myself and say “aww,” or coo like a newborn.

Why am I telling you this?  Because becoming able to get so much pleasure out of  funny-looking seabirds, and admit it on the Internet, was a major step in my personal growth.  A few years ago, I wouldn’t have allowed myself to feel all snuggly looking at puffins—or maybe I would have let myself feel that cuddly sensation, but felt kind of guilty and uncomfortable about it.

You Don’t Always Have To “Earn” Pleasure

Why?  The reason was that the joy I get from looking at puffins isn’t something I have to earn.  I don’t have to ace a standardized test, climb some corporate ladder, run a hundred miles, or do anything else to experience that pleasure.  In the past, I believed it was wrong for me to take pleasure in things I hadn’t worked for.  Doing that would make me lazy, mediocre, or something else unpleasant.

Finally, in my work on myself, I came to accept that there’s nothing shameful about taking pleasure in things we haven’t “earned.”  Because so much of what we can enjoy in life is available to all of us, free of charge or effort—walks in the woods and sunsets, for example—this greatly increased my quality of life.

The Deeper Meaning Of “Expanding The Comfort Zone”

On a deeper level, this is an example of what I think much of the “personal development” work many of us are doing is really about.  We tend to assume, when we start “working on ourselves,” that we have a specific material goal in mind—more money, a relationship, a more athletic body, and so on.  That’s the kind of thing I thought I wanted when I began my personal growth journey.  Later on, however, I discovered I was more interested in experiencing emotions and sensations I hadn’t let myself feel before.

In other words, I think what many of us are seeking in our “inner work” is to expand the range of sensations we’ll allow ourselves to feel.  For me, it was giving myself permission to feel “unearned” pleasure.  For others, perhaps it’s becoming able to tolerate fear—the fears that come with starting a business, getting into an intimate relationship, taking up rock climbing, and so on.

We might even say that one goal of the personal growth process is to find what Buddhists call “equanimity.”  Roughly, this is the ability to accept, without fighting or fleeing from, all the thoughts and sensations you experience in life.  The more equanimity you achieve, the more you can let yourself experience joy, fear, anger, sadness, and so on without judging or repressing those emotions.

Yes, I Can Even Bring Freud Into This

We can also think of this process as working to quiet what Sigmund Freud called the Superego, the judgmental part of our minds that tells us what we are and aren’t supposed to do and experience.  My Superego used to tell me it wasn’t okay to appreciate puffins and similar things because it’s wrong to take pleasure in something you haven’t “earned,” and in the end I learned to put the Superego on mute (at least, when it comes to that issue).

Other people struggle with their Superegos in different areas—perhaps they’re trying to overcome the belief that it’s always wrong to feel angry, or that it’s wrong to charge for their products or services.  When they learn to quiet their Superegos, they find living the lives they want much easier.

My point is that even something seemingly “trivial” like learning to appreciate the cuteness of animals, the feeling of the sand under your feet at a beach, or the intricate patterns in the veins on a leaf, can be a significant step in our personal growth.  This is because, the more sensations we let ourselves experience, the more complete we can be and feel as human beings.

(I was inspired by Albert Foong’s recent post about writing shorter blog entries to try this lean, mean 682-word piece on for size.  I went even further out on a limb and tried using a photo too!  I hope you liked being part of this experiment.)

Productivity From Within Announcement

I’m looking for bloggers and writers in other media interested in reviewing my new e-book, Productivity From Within.  If you are interested, please drop me a line.

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5. Book Review: The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, by Debbie Ford