Many of us have our “down” periods—stretches of time, whether they’re moments, hours or days—when we feel like nothing’s working in our lives and wonder if there’s any reason to go on.  We usually react to these “down” periods in one of two ways—distracting ourselves with a frivolous activity like watching TV or surfing the Web, or judging ourselves harshly, demanding we stop moping and take action.

Neither approach, however, does much to improve our mood—when we stop distracting ourselves the uncomfortable sensations return, and when we shame ourselves we only fall deeper into despair.  Sometimes, we just have to “wait out” our gloomier moods and spring back into action when they pass away.  But I’ve had positive experiences with one approach people don’t often use—just acknowledging how I’m feeling, out loud, without shame or judgment.

I remember one time I found this technique particularly useful.  When I started trying to get articles published, I collected quite a pile of rejection letters, as beginning writers tend to do.  I tried not to let this get to me, but when I went a few months without getting published I found my desire to keep writing and submitting articles waning.  Okay, that’s a bit of an understatement—one day, I found myself lying on the floor moaning “I don’t want to write another article.”

I tried the usual strategies to get myself off the floor and back into my desk chair.  I turned to another project for a little while to take my mind off the situation, but the sense of hopelessness came back when I returned to writing.  I tried reminding myself of how important it was to me to positively impact people with my writing, and how I had to work if I wanted that to happen.  Nope, the siren song of the floor still clutched me in its grasp.

Finally, I said to myself in frustration “all right—it looks like that’s just the way things have to be.  I don’t want to write anything, and I don’t want to get off the floor.”  When I said this, suddenly and inexplicably, I burst out laughing.  All I’d done was admit to myself how I really felt and what I wanted in that moment.  But somehow, this felt so liberating and relaxing that I couldn’t help but chuckle.  And shortly afterward, I found myself almost effortlessly resisting the magnetic pull of the floor and getting back up to churn out another piece.

Experiences like this have taught me that the difficult emotional states we get into are much like babies crying and screaming for attention.  When they get the acknowledgment and acceptance they want, they tend to quiet down.  In other words, when we stop ignoring, criticizing and cajoling them, they stop feeling so intense and bothersome.  Just acknowledging what’s really going on within us, and giving it our loving attention, does much to restore our peace and focus.

Acknowledging the presence of a despondent feeling means that you are observing it, and thus recognizing that it’s separate from you.  You are not your feeling of despair—you are the being who experiences it.  When we get totally immobilized by our bad moods, as I was while lying on the floor, we’re not aware of this separation.  We start seeing the feelings as part of our identities, clinging to and collapsing into them, and they effectively take control of us.

Psychologist John Welwood gives a good description of this method of acknowledging and accepting our emotions, rather than judging or identifying with them, in Transpersonal Knowing: Expanding The Horizon Of Consciousness:

Once we acknowledge what is there, it becomes possible to meet it more fully by allowing it to be there as it is. This does not mean wallowing in feelings or acting them out. Instead, allowing means giving our experience space and actively letting it be as it is, putting aside any urge to manage or judge it. Often what interferes with this is either identifying with the feeling (“this anger is me”) or resisting it (“this anger is not me”). A certain amount of time and concentration is often necessary before we can let our experience be there in this more allowing way.

One simple way to strike this balance between identifying with and resisting a feeling is, as I’ve described, to simply name it out loud.  Just admit to yourself, without irony or criticism, the emotions you’re experiencing.  If you’re unable to get out of bed because you feel like no one cares about you, for instance, simply repeat aloud what’s going on inside you: “I don’t want to get out of bed because I believe no one cares about me.” 

When you do this, I suspect you’ll find it hard to take your mood as seriously, and make progress toward restoring the calm and creativity you want.

Related posts:

1. How “Mood Swings” Can Lead Us To Inner Peace
2. Why I Don’t Force Myself To Be Happy
3. Letting Go Of Seeking The Peak
4. Sample From The Work Consciously Audio Course
5. Loving Your Ego