That said, let me ask you a few questions that I hope will give you some clarity around this. First, when you are feeling anxious, what’s the mental picture that’s coming up? Are you reliving the event (thinking back to the past) or imagining possible problems that might come up because of it (thinking forward to the future)? When you answer this question, notice it becomes clearer that the event, and any consequences you’re imagining, aren’t happening right now — the event has passed, and any future problems that might come up because of it are imaginary.

Second, when the mental picture comes up, can you see yourself in it? Or is the focus entirely on what other people are doing and thinking? If you can’t see yourself in the image, see if you can move the imaginary “camera” so you’re in the picture. Once you see yourself in the picture, ask yourself: can you feel compassion and understanding for her? Yes, she, like everyone else on the planet, isn’t perfect, but can you love her?

Finally, when you notice the anxiety coming up, are you breathing? Are you allowing your body to relax, or are you clenching your muscles? If you notice that you’re tensing up, or that you’re not breathing, see if you can continue to breathe steadily and deeply until the anxiety passes away, and notice if the anxiety becomes less intense as you do.

I hope this is helpful to you.

In gratitude, Chris

I recently had a terrifyingly embarrassing situation at work. How do I get past it? It’s been a week and my fears/anxieties are growing by the day. What do you suggest?